Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows Them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Jokingham Palace Headline Animator
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Penis van Lesbian
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and, with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, " Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years. You will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name, or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said, and he left the agent's office.
Five years later the agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck. Who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
"Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood . You told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused.
You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name.
I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, " Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years. You will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name, or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said, and he left the agent's office.
Five years later the agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck. Who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
"Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood . You told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused.
You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name.
I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
Gas Prices
I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
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